Mum and daughter relationship by Adele Swart

  1. What is the role of mothers in their daughters lives?

I think that God made us as mothers to be the custodians of our daughters so that we can teach them their true worth. They are our heritage – Ps 127:3

“Children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward”– like God sees them. To remind them that they are gemstones, children of the most High and they are highly valued. God has ordained each daughter/mother relationship, whether it has been a good relationship or not? So sorry but If God ordains it, will it be anything but good. We do believe He can make all things work together for our good. Is that what is meant here? Maybe needs to be made clearer

Acts 17:26 (NIV): “From one man he made every nation of men . . . and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.”

I can testify to this, because when I was at my lowest point during my depression, one of the things that prevented me from taking my own life, was the recurring question in my head: “What legacy will I leave my beautiful daughter if I take my own life?” God knew that I needed her in my life, to save me as I didn’t truly understand my worth back then. But now I know Him, I really know Him. He is the God of the valley and the God of the mountain.

 

  1. What is the implication of not playing this role?

Your mother might have given birth to you, but another mother showed you the way through God’s word and taught you what true love is and what the mystery of God entails. When mother and daughter do not always see eye to eye, then we know that is the area God wants you to grow in most. As I have grown in my relationship with God, I have come to love myself without being boastful. If we neglect the important job of role modelling who we truly are in Christ, then our daughters will fall prey to the lies of the devil.

Let’s dwell on Romans 8:28 which says And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

 

  1. How can you cultivate mother/daughter relationship with your girls?

I think that the word relationship in what this question means, something that grows with time. We don’t all get a manual when they are born, but we learn and imitate what we have been taught either good or bad. All form part of that heritage. How often we have heard words coming from our mouths that makes us stop as we hear the  words our mother has used. May we choose to use words of positive affirmations like sister Christelle has shared.

Let us be teachable and be held accountable by our daughters as they are keen observers of us. Be willing to apologise if as the mother you have been faulted, because through this behaviour, we teach our daughters that you can be a strong woman and also be vulnerable at the same time. It also teaches respect for each other and cultivates an environment of trust for a future when they need an ear to listen. I have learnt to listen more and ask probing questions in a non-judgemental way. This has led to my daughter feeling comfortable to discuss things that was really difficult for her. One of the challenges with our daughters is seeing mummies who may think they are perfect, even when our daughters can see our flaws. We must bend low to apologise when necessary. I have found this very helpful in my daughter/mother relationship.

Use God’s word as a guideline for discussions as Paul has reminded Timothy. He is talking about Eunice and Lois, Timothy’s mother and grandmother. We see in 2 Timothy 1:5 these words says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.” So Paul has already connected Timothy’s faith with what he got from his mother and grandmother.

I also, still remember the verses my mum recited to me in difficult times as a barometer for decision making.

  1. What are the practical things to discuss with our girls and how can we do that?

The word of God teaches us these things in Titus 2:4 – and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

                                                            Adele is a wife and a mother.

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