Making the most of our mother and son relationships by Doyin O

As women/mothers that have been brought to the Cross of Christ, where we died with Christ, and Christ is now living in us,

  1. What is the role of mothers in their sons lives?

God has called every woman to be nurturer to their children and all that is needed to play this role well is being released to us as a result of our position in Christ.

Nurturing entails all round care and protection from birth until they can stand on their own or preferably 18 years which is the official age of becoming adults in UK.

As a mother, you have to be a good role model for your sons on how they will grow up to treat other women. So as a mother to your son, you owe it to God to:

  1. Provide for their spiritual needs e.g. feeding them with spiritual food at the right time either during family devotion, Christian gatherings, Christian books, online meetings, supervising their devotional time, encouraging them in their relationship with the Lord, etc.
  2. Provide for their emotional/psychological needs , be ready to give every support to ensure their emotional needs are well attended to, give them opportunities to speak up, sharing their views on issues that concerns them, as well as their worries and challenges; be protective and help them believe in themselves irrespective of what is happening out there.
  • Provide for their physical needs like appropriate clothing that befit Christians and not the worldly styles; nutritious foods and not feeding them on junk foods; quality education: taking them places that you can afford, excursions, family holidays etc.
  1. Involving them in house chores; cooking and supporting them all through until they master the skills. One day they will need those skills when they are on their own or married.
  2. Involving them in decision making at home, to make them feel they belong as a member of the family. Not lording your plans or decisions on them. Issues like planning holidays or issues around their lives.


  1. What is the implication of not playing this role?

The implication of not playing these roles well can be very detrimental, as it can mar their future, because you have 18 years to effectively and efficiently do these, trusting in God for help to make them become what He has in store for their lives.

If you, the mother don’t engage them well, they will turn to friends, internet/social media to find an alternative identity which may result in them becoming street boys.

  1. How can we cultivate mother son relationship with our boys?
  2. Being a present mother and building confidence in them that you are willing to support them irrespective of the challenges/difficulty.
  3. Loving them passionately irrespective of their short comings.

iii. Prompt and loving correction, and letting them see reasons behind every punishment and supporting them through the period of punishment. This will help to ensure that the behaviour will not repeat itself again, if possible.

Proverbs 13:24 says  ‘whoever spares the rod hates the child, but whoever loves will apply discipline’. Proverbs 29:15 also say ‘the rod and reproof give wisdom: but the child that is left to his own will bringeth his mother to shame’.

  1. What are the practical things to discuss with our boys and how can we do that?

 Proverbs  14:13; 16:25 says ‘there is a way that seems right to people, but that way leads only to death’;  Proverbs 22:29 says ‘Seesth thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men’.

Therefore, the practical things to discuss are:

  1. Their choice of friends: letting them know that their choice of friends can either make or mare their future.
  2. Their choice of programs/activities/association. They cannot attend every function they are being invited to, or join a group because their closest friend is there most especially online. They can be easily lured into gangs unknowingly.
  3. Their choice of dressing. Clothing, hair style, shoes, etc. Let us remember doing all these alongside our men.

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